10 things you didn't know about Kati Hamza
The following information is borrowed from the March 1989 issue of ZZAP! 64
© ZZAP! 64 Ltd / Newsfield 1989

Just who does this madcap, zany, completely hatstand creature think she is? Why does she wear those skirts? Does she think she's a girl or something? And is there any cure? Well, let's face it, there's something inexplicably different about her - 10 things, in fact, that out useless team of rubbish investigators have unearthed from the refuse tip of sordid computer journalism.

  • Kati once had a fight with a pound of bacon - after ten rounds, the bacon won out on points. Since then, she has been a vegetarian.
  • Our far out girly opinion merchant cuts the heads off dogs, puts them on spikes and feeds them to the pigeons which hang around ZZAP! Towers.
  • Then she cuts the heads off the pigeons and feeds them to Maff.
  • The one they call 'stupid' once tried to add 2 + 2 and got 1,893,465!!!!
  • Kati is a girl (ie, one of them things that's different from boys).
  • The offensive Hamza creature is often seen hanging around Ludlow's vast Roman sewer-system, counting the number of dead rates and faeces that float by.
  • Kati Hamza's name rhymes with the words 'Fatty Hamza' - but she isn't fat in any way (unlike the Editor).
  • If you rearrange most of the letters in Kati's full name you get the anagram, 'Ha! I am Tarzan'.
  • Kati's previous boyfriends include Johnny Telegraph-Pole, our own Ken D Fish and Eric Smallbottom.
  • Kati's favourite joke is 'Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?' but she can never remember the punchline!!