10 things you didn't know about Gordon Houghton
The following information is borrowed from the November 1988 issue of ZZAP! 64
© ZZAP! 64 Ltd / Newsfield 1988

Oh God! There's a huge, blubbery lard-ass coming this way! Aaaaaargh! Oh no - it's OK - it's only ZZAP!'s sheep-loving, half-human answer to the EEC butter mountain, Gordon 'Don't call me fat or I'll kill you' Houghton. But is there a man behind the cliche? Is there a sensitive, caring human being beneath those rippling rolls of reconstituted pork? Does this obese, suety human pudding have a story? Well, no - but listed below are 10 facts (all true) which our crack team mangaged to uncover about him before being crushed to death.
  • He was the model for the Ewok village.
  • His hobbies include collecting china thimbles, silk flowers and wax fruit.
  • Gordon's father was a barrage balloon in the Second World War.
  • He's fat.
  • The well-upholstered Behemoth almost completed a YTS course as a sheep, but was expelled for ravaging a sheepdog.
  • He is happiest when at home with Rasher, Gammon and Oyster, his pet pigs.
  • Five things that Gordon has been mistaken for: Australia; the Queen; an Editor; Bobby Charlton; Paul Glancey.
  • His most vicious act was to kidnap and skin alive Paul's dog, Banana.
  • Our token office overweight freak's average meal includes three chickens, 18lb of chips, 23lb of assorted vegetables and a gallon of gravy - all washed down by six gallons of beer!
  • Three of his abitions: to be God; to host Blue Peter like his hero, John Noakes; to grow gills and become a pilchard.