
The following page is © ZZAP! 64 Ltd / Newsfield 1988-1989
In the twenty years that he's been invoved with computers, THIS was the series
Mel Croucher had been waiting to write! A collection of classic computer
cock-ups...
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DATELINE: Kingston on Themes, England, November 1988 |
The local library is rightly proud of its computerised bar code system,
and believes that the cost of over £10,000 is fully justified. Mr Peter
Dalton, head of Beverley School Sixth Form examines the system,
duplicates it and makes a few improvements for his own use, including a
real-time clock, a computer-generated bar code writer and assorted
friendly on-screen greetings. The cost of the complete improved system?
£55. |
DATELINE: Pacific Ocean, 1977 |
The US Air Force patrols the skies, vowing never again to repeat the
computerised mistakes experienced in Vietnam. Their F-16 bombers are a
masterpiece of modern war technology, having fully-automated on-board
global map reading facilities, so that their sexy nukes won't get lost.
They don't get lost, but the North American-based programmers have
overlooked one wee terrestrial fact. Every time the bombers cross the
Equator, they flip upside down. |
DATELINE: London, England, January 1987 |
William Farquhar, Senior Consultant with BIS Applied Systems Ltd has the
weird behaviour of the head computer programmer of an international
drugs outfit reported to him. The guy starts out by moving money around
the system without authorisation just to bring attention to himself.
When this doesn't work he pops up on the management's VDU screens,
displaying the greeting 'Hello Sailor!' Finally, he takes control of
the entire system and makes himself indispensable. Farquhar advises
them to sack the loony on the spot, and escort him away from the nearest
terminal, but instead of this they reckon that he's safer working with
them and not against them. The culprit is promoted! Things work out
just fine, except for one little thing. Everyone else with access to the
computer system starts sending blackmail promotion demands. |
DATELINE: Inter-State Power Grid, USA, 1979 |
Five nuclear power reactors are shut down when a backdrop computer
discovers that they will collapse in the event of a minor earthquake.
The original earthquake prediction sub-routine has been told to take
arithmetic sums instead of the sum of the absolute values, which
roughly translated means that if an earth-quake had occurred, large
chunks of the USA would have disappeared in a nuclear meltdown. Some
sub-routine! |

DATELINE: Unknown, USA, September 1986 |
The Computer Law And Security Report for this month reports the demise
of an American bank due to an accidental computer exploit by the world's
youngest ever hacker. The bank's Vice President links his home terminal
to the mainframe to do some work over the weekend. He takes his wife out
for a spot of dinner on Saturday night, leaving his machine on line. His
three-year-old daughter convinces the babysitter that Pop doesn't mind
her playing 'games' on the computer, and randomly bashes the keyboard.
The following Monday morning the bank staff report that they've gone
bust. By pure chance their entire assets have been transferred to
unknown destinations by the infant's podgy little fingers, and all
records of the deals are flushed down the electronic toilet of oblivion. |
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DATELINE: Thule, Greenland, October 1960 |
The Third World War begins when the NORAD early warning system indicates
that the United States in under massive attack by Soviet missiles, with
a certainty of 99.9%, and NATO hits the Red Button to retaliate. War is
averted only after a computer operator realises that the Ballistic
Missile Early Warning System radar has informed its computers that the
missiles are homing in on a very familiar flight path. In fact, a flight
path that is older than mankind itself. Yes folks, nobody bothered to
inform the machines that the Moon rises, so the computer reckons it's an
enemy missile and orders us to nuke it! |
DATELINE: Malvern, England, April 1987 |
Highly sensitive secrets from the Ministry of Defence Royal Signals and
Research Establishment are discovered by a computer student on a
second-hand machine he buys at an army surplus store. On the computer's
hard disk over £1500 of applications software is lurking, and the data
includes a complete breakdown of past and future budgets, design and
manufacture programs for equipment, classified files with special 'self
destruct' security codes, full staff details, research details and the
security systems used by the Ministry of Defence to protect secret
files. The MoD are still suffering from brown trousers because a second
similar computer has yet to be tracked down. The price that the student
paid for this saucerful of secrets? Forty-five quid! |

DATELINE: Welwyn Garden City, England, January 1986 |
The Asda Hypermarket is proud of its total conversion to computerised
barcode check-outs. At 6.30 on Friday night, half of the automatic tills
go right down I and queues begin to build right up. By 8.OOpm all the
automatic check-outs have broken down, but nobody on the staff can
remember how to operate a manual system - besides, most of the goods
don't have prices stamped on them any more, and the staff can't remember
what anything costs. Management politely asks its customers to leave the
store and go home, but the angry crowd refuses - after all, they've been
queueing for hours and they ain't got any food for the weekend. After a
modest riot, the police are called to evict hungry, angry customers. The
cause of the breakdown is a mystery, but may have something to do with a
failsafe foolproof unit' built into the system. |
DATELINE: London, England, December 1984 |
The London Borough of Brent experiences some unwanted Christmas cheer
when its Acton office's salary program for November is run through an
IBM 30/83 along with the December program and everyone gets paid twice.
Four thousand council workers are delighted to receive this unexpected
seasonal bonus. The cock-up is only discovered after all the money has
been cleared through the banks, when the authorities politely ask for
their money back. As it is illegal to debit a customer's account without
their permission, 25% of council employees tell their local authority to
get stuffed. Net loss: £500,000. |
DATELINE: Johannesburg, South Africa, 1988 |
Liberty Life Insurance installs computer controlled steel security doors
to protect it's staff. Twenty-three year old Renata Espach is handing a
document to an employee when the doors decide to go into emergency mode
and crush her to death. The document is for life insurance policy. |
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