!Disclaimer! This is not a disclaimer

Todays episode - *Pond life*

Nick: Staines

Caller: (husky Australian voice) Is that the freak?

Nick: Pardon?

Caller: Is that the freak?

Nick: Is that the freak?

Caller: This is Bea Smith here, and when I find out who laaaaagggged, I'm gonna kill the bitch. [Hangs up]

* * * *

Nick: Elvis Presley!

Caller: Hi there!

Nick: Yes sir.

Caller: Hi. Err... I just thought I'd call your radio station, I've been doing a bit of research and I've found your station is relatively new, and err.. I just wanted to dispell rumours and myths of me dying in 1977. I'd just thought I'd let your listeners know I'm still alive and well and... er... at the moment I'm living in a part of Birmingham in England, above a grocery store in a one bedroom bedsit or flat, whatever you call it.. umm.... and.. um.. I'm full of health..

Nick: Well you're full of something (sound effect : Tick-tock ) not much doubt about that

Caller: Umm I.. Well (Sound effect : Buzzer )

Nick: Thank you very much, I really do mean that, thank you very much sincerely thank you!

* * * *

Caller: ...some of the music nowadays is disgusting and..

Nick: Absolutely. And let's hope we here much more of it on this show.

Caller: But do you really think that? I mean, but, do you not think that there is a conspiracy out there.. by evil forces who are trying to pollute the minds of youngsters..

Nick: Now who...

Caller: ..conspiracy.. this EVIL society..

Nick: ..Would you you answer me one question?

(Silence)

Caller: AH'VE SEEN THE LAWD, BOY!!!!!! [Hangs up]

* * * *

Nick: Aberdeen

Caller: Hi, my names Linda and I'd..

Nick: Could you speak a little louder, Linda?

Caller: O.K. then, i think that...

Nick: No, LOUDER! (silence) are you familiar with the concept 'louder'?

Caller: Yeah, I'm famliar with the concept 'louder', what d'ya want me to shout?

Nick: No, just speak so we can hear what you're saying!

Caller: I just think your attitudes a..

Nick: Oh yeah, you don't like my attitude! Well *SCREW OFF* and listen to something else then.

--
|Trevor (not Trevor),|sad anorak archivist|archive@prioryv.demon.co.uk|

FROM THE ARCHIVES

"This has got to be the most chronic show I've ever done...
It's just like arsehole after arsehole.. UN-Believable!"
-Nick Abbot, Virgin 1215 (1993)