!Disclaimer! - Continuing a far too intricate disection of Nick Abbots radio shows, currently in a pedantic examination of the 'LBC incident' and it's resulting confusion. Normal service (Something actually _funny_! ) will resume tommorow. SAD COMPETITION AT BOTTOM!
Following the LBC debacle, Nicks temperament had mellowed quite a great deal for.. oh.. two weeks. Eventually, he tried two more phone outs starting with a little apprehension when he heard someone had adopted his personality.
* * * *
(Organ music in full flow, phone ringing)
Woman: (half-awake) hello?
Nick: Hello, is Nick Marsh there please?
Woman: Who's that speaking?
Nick: This is Nick Abbot, and you're on the air right now on Virgin 1215..
Woman: Who's... erm.. (fazed) who's rung about him?
Nick: Ex-cuse me?
Woman: Wha.. Why do you want him?
Nick: Because somebody told me he has adopted my personality.
Woman: (Unimpressed) Really.
(silence)
Nick: Without my express permission.
Woman: How fascinating.
Nick: I've woken you up, haven't I?
(Silence)
Nick: Hello? (Woman hangs up)
(laughs) Geez, I wonder if *she* works for LBC! Everybody hates me calling them up don't.... well I guess it is one o clock in the morning! Now do you think I should do like a 20 minute invective about her?
* * * *
By far the funniest phone out came a week later, and found Nick in his rudest form following a 'mate' of the teenager involved phoned in to tell Nick of his exploits. Well aware that every other DJ in England appeared to be a 'puker', it's not hard to guess how quickly the image of Nick his mother on the end of the phone had changed during the call...
Nick: OK, let's see if we can't get...
Boy: (Gives out phone number)
Nick: Hello, is Linda there please?
Boy: Yeah hang on, I'll just go and get her.
Nick: Greeaaat! I bet she's still screaming at him right now!
Linda: Hello?
Nick: Hello, is this Linda?
Linda: Yes.
Nick: Hi, this is Nick Abbot from Virgin 1215 and you're on the air right now. (silence) Um, I'm calling up to congratulate your son Gary on his birthday!
Linda: You are? Good grief! Umm.. (laughs) Yes.. Do you want to speak to him?
Nick: No, I'd like to speak to *you, actually.
Linda: Oh, why's that?
Nick: You may have the opportunity to win a carpet cleaning service, because it sounds like you need it.
Linda: (Laughs nervously) Too true..
Nick: Did you come home and he had a party without consulting you?
Linda: No, we knew it was happening...
Nick: But did you know the full extent of what was going on?
Linda: (nervously) Err.. no.
Nick: So you came back in the door..
Linda: mmm....
Nick: ..and what did you see?
Linda: An awful lot of people
Nick: (Insinuative) Doing what?
(silence)
Linda: Whatever young people do these days.
Nick: Rrrrrrrrrreally?
Linda: hmm.
Nick: Like what? Somebody told me that someone had nicked your vodka, really?
Linda: yes..
Nick: Now he's fourteen..
Linda: Who is, my son is...
Nick: Yeah..
Linda: Yeah.
Nick: And he's busy nicking your vodka?
Linda: (Angrily) No, he's not, goodnight! (Hangs up)
* * * *
This is the end of the obsession with the phone-outs and LBC incident of 1993. To celebrate the passing of this feast for SAD BASTARDS wit NO LIFE, here is an LBC/Nick Abbbot competition. Here is an advance extract from Nicks Show in 1994, where Nick is playing Russian Roulette (bring it back!) with the kids:
Nick: ..Get a leg over Clint, and you've got a chance of getting on this show. Erm.. What was I talking about? Oh yes, we're doing this, aren't we? Hello?
(Silence)
Nick: Ab-solutely nothing, some scary music in the background. Sounds like thier watching 'Alien'
Caller: (Ridiculous low voice) uhhh.. hello. is this LBC? I want to talk about my haemorrhoids.
Nick: (laughs) OK, right topic, wrong phone number! (laughs) urrrghhh.. (laughs) yeah, all maladies - all day!
The question is - Who is the caller? Answers on an email to:
im_a_sad_no_life@prioryv.demon.co.uk
The first five correct responses (if any) will recieve bugger-all. Oh allright then, a severely edited .wav of the LBC incident. This, sadly, is *not* a joke. Answer coming soon...
REMINDER : FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT NICK ABBOT VISIT *ANDREW ACES* NICK ABBOT HOMEPAGE AT:
http://www.compura.org/nick-abbot
(I got it right! Do I get a round of applaud?)
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|Trevor (not Trevor),|sad anorak archivist|archive@prioryv.demon.co.uk|