Nick: So listen to this Ladies and gentlemen, Caesar the Geezer has been calling this station today in what sounds like an attempt to get me _sacked_! And there's been a lot of those recently - trust me, I'm not gonna' call up any other Radio Stations from now on 'cause all I get is the bosses from Radio stations calling in and whining and moaning and complaining and 'How dare he pick on us,' and this and this and this. (Silence) Which sort of puts Scottie McClue, who was the very first one that I did into perspective 'cause he was *GREAT*! He was funny and he took abuse...erm.. like he was a masochist. He took it and he took it and he said "Thank you, may I have another?"

   (S.F.X. - "Whip !!")

So Caesar The Geezer calls up and asks to speak to ..erm... not the big boss, but almost like a junior boss, and he's saying stuff like..(Mocking, pathetic voice) "Why me ?(crying)"

He said "I'm a professional why doesn't he conduct himself in a professional manner too ?"

Well, here is the news Caesar - I didn't start this. I have never heard your show because I'm asleep at the time. You know if there's one thing about your show it sends me straight to sleep ! No, seriously, I come in through the door at about half past two and I'm asleep within about twenty seconds. and ..er.. who can stay up till _FOUR_!?! I'm surprised that you can. But people have been calling me and saying that you have been ripping me and saying that I was the most disgusting voice on national radio and now suddenly I start fighting back and now you're belly's up and your legs are waving in the air and you're saying "Please...", you're calling *MY* bosses and saying "Protect me !!" (Laughs).

Why don't you go straight to the Radio Authority with this Caesar, that's what most people do with me. I bet they have speed access at the Radio Authority to the file on Nick Abbot because that's all they're dealing with these days (Laughs) !! Caesar, they have a file on me as thick as your head ! So, can you believe that ? Most people in this country haven't got the faintest idea what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a Talk Show host who does the graveyard shift on a local London station which ordinarily plays dance music and has been sacking people left right and centre lately (Laughs) - They have more disappearing acts there than on Radio One !

So, Caesar the Geezer from Kiss O.F.F. in London rang in and complained. Well, let me see if I can bend over for a second Caesar and you can come here and kiss this -

  (S.F.X. - "FART !!")

Caller: Hello!

Nick: Yes.

Caller: Yeah, I listen to Caesar every night and I really like his show and I wouldn't knock him or anything..

Nick: You wouldn't *Knock* him ?

Caller: If you pardon the expression.

Nick: Yeah.

Caller: A caller was phoning Caesar up who had phoned you and you were talking about something to do with the law when he called you up and you said you didn't know anything about it, but he claimed on air that a caller told him that you were giving all this advice on the law, and he said you shouldn't be saying this if you didn't know anything about it, but you did say you didn't know anything about it. And there was loads of other things and it just got dragged on.

Nick: So generally, he started it and as soon as I start to fight back and.. er.. Not that I could care less one way or the other.

Caller: Well he said on air that he's never even heard of you and he's never heard your show or anything.

Nick: Well that makes us even then, doesn't it ?

Caller: The callers have given him the wrong idea I think

Nick: Right, O.K. So It's like there's a mole..

Caller: But he did say on air that you were trying to imitate him.

  (HUGE Laughter from Nick)

Nick: Yeah, that's what I do best is imitate people I have never heard before in my life ! Imitating him ?!? (Laughs) That's a good one, cheers mate.

Caller: O.K. see you.