[Talking about the David Letterman show, Mike is standing in for Kev who is away on holiday]

Nick: If only I had a 10th of Paul Shaffer's money. Wouldn't that be great? Never mind the money that David Letterman earns. The money that Paul Shaffer must earn on that show, he must be a bazillianaire.

Mike: For sure.

Nick: And what a great job. If no one has seen the Dave Letterman show then I believe it's being shown on the Paramount Channel, bless the Paramount Channel. If I had the Paramount Channel at home I'd never leave, I wouldn't come to do this for a start. I would never leave the house. I mean I watch so much TV as it is, if I had that you might as well rip my diary up, 'cus I'd erm, hello I'm not answering the phone! But they do the Dave Letterman show and you absolutely should watch that, I insist.

Mike: I was told someone was going to record it for you? 'Cus I was hoping to borrow the tapes after you.

Nick: Yeah well, Uncreative Kev strikes again! and said he was taping them. Of course it's on every single stinking night. A 3 hour tape would only be used up in 3 days. Count them, that's 3 X 1 = 3, so like two weeks later, nothing.

Mike: Well, I'm still waiting for the Simpsons he was taping for me about 3 years ago.

Nick: While he's away, and I don't want to keep talking about it because he's been fired and he's not coming back. So we should collect complaints about his behavior.

Mike: Hmm...

Nick: And we've got many and various; Sick Boy has complaints, you have complaints, Engineering hate him, people in Sales can't stand him, 'cus he's forever walking past Sales to get to his little comedy stool that he perches on at the end there.

Mike: Yep.

Nick: Thank god that we did the show on Monday with the boss. I like slipped in surreptitiously a pleading request for the programme director here to fire his arse, 'cus that's the best time to fire, ask me 'cus I know that's the best time to get fired is when you're on holiday.

[Nick and Mike laugh]

Mike: I haven't taken a holiday since 1947.

Nick: That's right, don't do it! You come back, and not only have they changed the locks but moved buildings.