Caller: When are you going to bring in the Apocalypse Now soundtrack that bloke sent you?
Nick: Damn, I keep forgetting it. It wouldn't make any difference if I brought it in as somebody's nicked all the leads in this building. We just got some more South Park stuff on and er, somebody has taken all the leads from all the equipment in engineering, no not engineering, in production. Am I right in that respect? Mike I'm talking to you now.
Mike: It's all gone. The machine is there but you can't plug in it.
Nick: Figure that out. The machines are there but all the leads have gone so we can't actually use the machines. [Laugh] I am in, confused. Who the hell would do that?!
Mike: Oh well they're the geniuses that run the uncreative department.
Nick: So they do that so no one can go in there and use their machines.
Mike: Exactly. And if you do use their machines you get a stinking letter the next day.
Nick: Do you?!
Mike: Yeah. Don't touch our leads and our knobs. They get really, really touchy about it.
Nick: Are you serious??
Mike: Yeah I did that once. I had to do a job for Scott Chisholm's producer, she wanted help getting something set up that Pete was going to do for her. So I left a memo for er, for whatever you want to call them, 'David, can you leave all this set up so we can dump it all on to...'
Caller: Oh it sounds like some kind of excuse to me.
Nick: [Laugh] I had forgotten you were still there! I thought it was like the voice of God that had just come in. I forgot you were still faded up. Yeah, can you just give us a sec here please David 'cus we're whining in here for a moment. Can I just fade you down for a moment? Are you going to be all right?
Caller: No...
Nick: Blimey, you sound really depressed man.
[Caller laughs]
Nick: Yeah we're going to get the Apocalypse Now thing just as soon as we can. OK, finish that story.
Mike: So I went down, you know that back rack thing they have, where they plug things in. It wasn't wired up properly. So I took it upon myself to do it, and I did it and it was fine, and the next day there was this letter threatening death to anyone that goes near their stuff again.
[Nick laughs]
Mike: Saying, we are trained professionals...
Nick: ...don't you try this at home.
Mike: Exactly.
Nick: Well I'm er, you're a producer, right?
Mike: That's what my title says.
Nick: I mean you can run a desk, and play tapes and you know.
Mike: Yeah.
Nick: That's what you do for a living, yes?
Mike: Exactly.
Nick: I don't really want to go down this road but it is kinda confusing. A lot of what I'm experiencing is kinda new to me. I've worked in many radio stations but certain procedures here that are confusing me.
Mike: You're confused?! I've been here three and a half years and I still haven't figured it out.
Nick: When the creative people aren't in the creative department between like 9 and 5...
Mike: More like 11 and 3 in the afternoon.
Nick: ...you can't use any of the equipment that would enable you to do a radio show? [Laugh]
Mike: Exactly.
Nick: What?!! [Laugh]
Mike: Or, god forbid should the equipment break down, which of course never happens around here, you can't go into the engineering room to get a new pair of headphones because they have their own secret codes. They are like MI6 in there, they won't let you in.
Nick: Oh the door's locked?
[South Park effect: That son of a bitch!]
Mike: That's what I thought. You try and page them and you have to wait until after 11 when they get out of the pub. It's nuts.
Nick: So I brought in some more South Park stuff that I wanted loaded onto my machine
Mike: Well, good luck, that's all I can say!
Nick: And Sick Boy has got in the palm of his hand, there it is, a miniDisc.
Sick Boy: There it is!
Nick: Now we have a miniDisc machine that would allow us to do this. Put it in and it's a simple procedure to allow us to put it on the hot keys here, called the hot keys, and erm, you can't do that because, [laugh] because they've taken all the leads. All the leads have gone. So does that mean no one else can use the equipment?
Mike: I think they take them home with them.
[Nick laughs]
Mike: If they could, if they could figure out a way they'd take the whole station home with them!! Take the transmitters home.
Nick: Do they know we're in the studios broadcasting at the moment? Or is that only allowed when they're here too??
[Both laugh]
Nick: We're on 24 hours a day. Are you joking?! You are kidding. You're making this up, right? They take the leads and put them in the leads room or something?
Mike: If you ever get into the engineering department, if you go in there it's like Dixons in there. There's more leads and monitors and stuff, I think they are flogging it off on the side, if you ask me. They have everything locked up in there and if you need it at 4:30 in the afternoon you're stuffed.
Nick: So in summery, [laugh] there's equipment down there, recording stuff and all that you would need to do a radio show.
Mike: Yeah.
Nick: But it's under somebody else's jurisdiction so if they leave for the day they take the leads with them, thus disabling the equipment.
[Both laugh]
[South Park effect: Well, I'm pissed off]