Here it is. It's what you've been waiting for. The world famous bollocks call. (Cast your mind back four years, Virgin is after the 105-108 FM frequency and Nick has just finished chairing a debate on it - one of the guests was David Campbell, Virgin's Chief Executive, now Chairman).

Nick: Now this is..erm..Daventry.

Caller: Hello.

Nick: Is this subject right? You want to talk about *what* madam?

Caller: Why do boys find it necessary to scratch their bollocks (Nick laughs) every 5 minutes (Nick continues to laughs).

Nick: Hmmm.

Caller: Is it that they really have itchy balls or do they find the tendency to have to touch it every 5 minutes. I mean you don't see women walking around scratching their crotch every 5 minutes do you?

Nick: Well that's true. That's a good point as a matter of fact but..erm..women's bits don't sort of..er..flop about and get stuck in folds of material and stuff.

Caller: OK breasts then. You don't see women scratching their breasts every 5 minutes even if they are a bit itchy.

Nick: That's a good point..Well..hmm...I not sure that it's...is it men scratching their..erm..can I say it?

Caller: Yeah! Go on!

Nick: Our Chief Executive is next door, David can I...oh, here's the message "Good night....Nick....normal. Good night Nick normal that will be my new on-air name. Programming has now resumed. Talkback (Chief Executive - you can just hear it): Are you talking about bollocks?

Nick: Yeah, we're talking about bollocks quite right. Can I say bollocks on the air, am I allowed to say bollocks. Bollocks! Is that OK, David? Say it. Erm..OK, well let's, would you like gentlemen to answer this lady's question about why men scratch their bollocks all the time because we have..erm.. anybody, any answers? No.

Caller: Is it really necessary?

Nick: Is it really necessary?....Obviously!

Caller: I mean it's not exactly a nice thing to see is it?

Nick: I don't think they're scratching their..are they? Aren't they moving their..erm...

Caller: Fingers?

Nick: Yeah. No! Their digit around because it just kind of..it gets..it arrives in a place where it's not normally and it feels uncomfortable there so you have to reposition it. Also it might just be a sexual come on, have you considered that? Maybe you're just driving men out of their minds and their initial reaction is to grab their parts.

Caller: Yeah, right.

Nick: Well, don't play yourself down. Aren't you great looking and so great looking that men just can't help themselves. You know, don't you remember that advert, men just can't help acting on Impulse.

Caller: (cautiously) Yeah

(Both laugh)

Nick: Next time you see somebody do it, why don't you offer to do for them, you never know what you might get out of it....

Caller: (interrupts) I did work experience last year

Nick: So to speak!

Caller: (laughs) And..erm..the person who was working there was like at his bollocks every single 5 minutes and he was just sitting there..erm..

Nick: Couldn't you help him out?

Caller: NO! He was repulsive looking.

Nick: Oh really. If he had been great looking you would have been first there right.

Caller: Hmm

Nick: Absolutely. Alright, listen, I've gotta go.

Caller: OK

Nick: DON'T LOOK AT IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING LOOKING AT GUY'S Crotches ALL THE TIME

Caller: I'M NOT!

Nick: No seriously what are you like - a pervert or what!

Caller: No!

(Nick laughs).

There was a musical interlude (well Bon Jovi at least), some limeracks and this:

Nick: Ipswich.

Caller: Hello again.

Nick: Yes!

Caller: Right..erm..the bollocks thing, I don't want to say that too much because you'll probably dump me, if I haven't been already. The scientific fact is that a) if men use a lot of underarm deodorant, the sweat is induced elsewhere, namely around the crotch area, which obviously induces itchiness.

Nick: And smells!

Caller: Yeah and smells.

Nick: Pugh!

Caller: Apparently also the itchy bollocks thing goes back to cavemen times when men were never still and they used to generate as much noise as possible at night to protect their family from the approaching pray, the animals which were going to eat them out of the cave.

Nick: What's that got to do with it?

Caller: Well, this is why men instinctively without thinking half the time just itch their bollocks for no apparent reason. It's apparently an instinct.

Nick: To drive away predators.

Caller: Yeah.

(Both laugh)

Nick: I can't think that would do it in the face of like a charging rhinoceros but it's something to think about.

Caller: It is, isn't it?

Nick: Alright, thanks a lot.

(By the way the Mad Baker Boy call on Timo's Real Audio page is a follow up call to this).