Kev, your mother's so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Kev, your mother's so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Kev, your mother's so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Kev, your mother's so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Kev, your mother's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Kev, your mother's so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Kev, your mother's so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Kev, your mother's so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Kev, your mother's so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Kev, your mother's so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Kev, your mother's so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Kev, your mother's so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Kev, your mother's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Kev, your mother's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Kev, your mother's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Kev, your mother's so ugly she made an onion cry.

Kev, your mother's so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

Kev, your mother's so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

Kev, your mother's so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

Kev, your mother's so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Kev, your mother's so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Kev, your mother's so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Kev, your mother's so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!

Kev, your mother's so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Kev, your mother's so ugly she had to get her baby drunk to breastfeed it!

Kev, your mother's so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Kev, your mother's so ugly The NHL banned her for life

Kev, your mother's so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

Kev, your mother's so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

Kev, your mother's so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

Kev, your mother's so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Kev, your mother's so ugly she made an onion cry!

Kev, your mother's so ugly people go as her for Halloween.

Kev, your mother's so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Kev, your mother's so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Kev, your mother's so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

Kev, your mother's so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Kev, your mother's so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Kev, your mother's so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.